Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize