i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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