The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
