Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
