i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
