Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
