No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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