its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
