So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
