Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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