no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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