Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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