So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
