everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
