Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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