Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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