I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
false alarm, still single
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