We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
