I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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