dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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