Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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