I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
