Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
