that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
