all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
