Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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