After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize