I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
