what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
