the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
