thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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