i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
