He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
