Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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