shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
