You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
