'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
