My nipple is on Facebook.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
