You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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