note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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