I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
