i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
