gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize