My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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