I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
