Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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