I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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