he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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