This is not my ceiling
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
