Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
