Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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