So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
