I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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