Buhtt sex?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
