Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
