I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
