just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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