Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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