I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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