Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
