Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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