I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
