one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
