JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
