1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
