i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
