Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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