you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
