I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
