hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize